This last session was quite impacting. We took an assessment and were provided with our top five "supertraits" and 25 "subtraits". The report is 44 pages long of constructive criticism on my leadership styles. Here are my top five supertraits (I'm making myself vulnerable here):
RESPONSIVE (As opposed to Resilient or Reactive): Normally tends to be calm, secure, and steady. Some surprises, pressures, difficult situations, and stressful circumstances can lead to some worry...May need a moment to get over a crisis before resuming regular activities or moving into problem-solving mode.
AMBIVERT (As opposed to Introvert or Extrovert): Tends to shift easily from working with other people to working alone. To extraverted co-workers, may come across as an introvert, or may appear as an extravert to introverted co-workers because of operating from the mid-range.
MODERATE (As opposed to Preserver or Explorer): Tends to be middle of the road and somewhat down-to-earth, but will consider new ways of doing something if convincing evidence is available...Appreciates both innovation and efficiency, but neither to the extreme.
CHALLENGER: Tends to relate to others by being expressive, tough, guarded, persistent, competitive, or aggressive. Often independent in thought...May not accept information without checking.
FOCUSED: Tends to work towards goals in an industrious, disciplined, and dependable fashion. Mind may be like a serial processor, proceeding in a linear, sequential manner. Has a strong will to achieve, doing so with preparation and organization. Consolidates time in pursuit of established goals. May be perceived as a workaholic...compulsive...meticulous.
I'll write about the subtraits on a different post, but boy was some of this hard to hear. Primarily, what stood out for me was the fact that I have a tendency to "hold my thoughts and feelings to myself". My scores were extremely low when it comes to being assertive, and extremely high when it comes to being "reserved". The report proceeded to tell me that as a leader I must speak my mind and let others know what I'm thinking appropriately, rather than put others in a position of having to second guess me, or "read" my mind.
What?! Me, reserved?! I certainly have no issues expressing my mind anywhere, anytime. I'm an AMBIVERT for goodness sake! I even refutted the facilitator, thus proving that this is not a deficiency! And, then it happened. The psychologist facilitating the session asked a series of questions which left me and the other women of color standing on the lowest percentile of assertiveness. I couldn't believe it. Now, I'm not saying that this dilemma is solely cultural at its root - I'm sure there are components of my upbringing which perhaps skewed my view of authority at some point (for me and my "paid friend" to figure out).
My coach too (we're provided with six months worth of coaching in this program) shed further light on this hard-to-believe reality: in a room filled with males, my assessment demonstrated that I would shy away from mentioning the inspiring thoughts that would come to mind...in a room filled with Anglo executive women, subconsciously, I would share my thoughts, but in an apologetic fashion.
So, now I have a lot of work to do with this new-found reality. Of course, knowing now how retentively FOCUSED I am, I will analyze this to the "umph degree", create charts and figure out the metrics of improvement. But, the bottom line - I need to trust God and his Word...
I need to believe that...
Psalm 139:14
"...I am fearfully and wonderfully made...
Therefore...
Psalm 27:3
"Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident."
I must also be...
I must also be...
Phillipians 1:6
"...confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
You too, my sister, be confident in the Lord and in the power of His might. Speak up with boldness those things that he has shown you. I promise to do the same.
Learning to be confident,
Pastor Jeanette
